How to freak out your host in 13 steps

Step 1: Wake up at 8:30 a.m. and realize that the 'small' leak you discovered in your car yesterday may not have been so small with the torrential down-pours that we've been having of late.

Step 2: Investigate the 'small' leak and discover that not only is your driver seat wet, but there is an INCH of standing water in the floor board. Yes, an inch.

Step 3: Momentarily loose your icy facade and grumble out demonic slurs upon the birds and squirrels within ear-shot.

Step 4: Investigate the leak further to discover that what attempts you have made to seal what -might- be a leaky spot has been completely ignored by the rain as though it were the Maginot Line.

Step 4.a.: Wonder if Saturn was invented by the French.

Step 4.b.: Scribble note to self, "Saturn. French? Dig!" in notebook.

Step 5: Check weather.com and discover waves and waves of rain clouds heading for your position.

Step 5.a.: Fully understand what it might feel like to be the commanding officer along the Maginot Line after the first wave of German soldiers have gotten past you and then find out that there are more coming.

Step 5.b: Consider your options and decide that rather than use a French answer to this problem, try Welsh.

Step 6: Realize that your car, though parked under a friend's deck, is also pointing nose-in to their garage.

Step 7: Decide that the best option is to simply remove yourself from the field of battle until you've properly prepared yourself. (And hope your hosts won't freak when you want to borrow their garage for the rest of your visit.)

Step 8: Investigate their basement.

Step 8.a: Realize that for the years that your hosts have lived in their house, you've never seen them use their garage as a container for anything other than boxes (both full and empty).

Step 9: Organize their basement / garage into a space that's large enough to accommodate your car.

Step 9.a.: Move piles and piles of card board bits thither and yon. (Can I use thither in a thentance?)

Step 9.b.: Discover lost pages for the Pilgrim's Journal in the piles of empty boxes that have been scattered about.

Step 9.c.: Fight overwhelming urge to tidy your host's garage / basement.

Step 9.d: Become stumped at the presence of a weight bench in their basement cocooned by box-debris.

Step 9.e.: Really fight the urge to tidy your host's garage / basement.

Step 9.f: Discover that the large lump under the pile of boxes is actually a couch. (so that's where that thing went.)

Step 9.g: Really, no kidding, fight the urge to tidy your host's garage / basement. (This is where I'm channeling my inner Welshman. Yes, I'm still Irish but I bare a striking behavioral resemblance to a certain Welshman named Ianto and we'll leave it at that.)

Step 9.g.1: Fight the urge to sing 'Captain Jack' by Billy Joel while writing this blog.

Step 10: Finish cleaning a space for your car and go back into your host's house to ask if you can do what you've been preparing to do for the past thirty minutes.

Step 11: Quietly creep up the stairs to their bedroom since they're still not moving this morning. (around 9:30 a.m. - which may be early for some people and especially if there's a baby involved.)

Step 12: Ask the question: "Can I borrow your garage for the rest of the day?"

Step 12.a: Wait for their sleep-induced, mental-lethargy to catch up with what you just asked.

Step 12.b: Explain the situation about your car and pause dramatically for appropriate snickers and repeats of "What? What?" from your half-asleep hosts.

Step 12.c: Wait for one of them to say, "It won't fit." and then explain that you've already made a spot for your car.

Step 13: Gratefully accept your host's permission to use their garage for a while and move your car out of the range of fire (or rain) that is headed your way.

Step 13.a: Wait for them to fully wake up and wonder if your asking to borrow their garage was actually a dream or something.

A curious tale of Ancient Gods

Ok,

I've heard about the Cthulhu mythos and its author, H.P. Lovecraft, from many of my friends over the years, but I had never read any of his work. I, generally, don't like to read fiction. I'm more of a researcher and fiction leaves me wanting more. I want it to be real.

This past weekend, after a trip to Athens, I was allowed to borrow a book about H.P. "The Cult of Alien Gods: H.P. Lovecraft and Extraterrestrial Pop Culture" by Jason Colavito.

One of the descriptions of H.P. caught me a bit off guard.

In a description of Cthulhu's author, Colavito stated:

"While Lovecraft himself stood in awe of the Eighteenth century, the Enlightenment, and pure reason, his anachronistic love of the past was itself a manifestation of the Romantic spirit. Lovecraft would often fantasize about living in the colonial world and he adopted the mannerisms of an eighteenth-century Georgian gentleman. "

I'm reminded of how I like to write Franklin-style letters to my friends and I wonder...

Some people looked at the writings of H.P. Lovecraft and have adopted them into their own curious religious and magical practices.

Will the "Diciples of Tom" (aka D.o.T.s) turn into a quazi-religious movement? Will there be conspiracy theories about ancient gods that escaped Atlantis and founded Avalon? Will black and silver banners of Spiders unfurl over a new empire?

Hrm......

Shawnee Park

I think I've watched South Park a little too much.

Yes.

It hurts.

I'll stop now...

-T

Weird Quote

I was half awake this morning when something hit me as a poor-taste joke.

Last night's dream had something to do with the military; well, there were guys with guns scrambling around a hallway. I think that it might have been some kind of weird 'training' exercise.

Hey, I have weird dreams, ok?

Anyway, after the group had failed to do something and got blown up in a big flash of light, I realized that I wasn't with the group but down the hall a little and had cleared a room of a few bad guys. The group who had 'died' milled around to discuss what had happened. One of them said,

"Well, there's no I in TEAM."

And for some reason I popped off with (in the dream):

"Yeah, but there is in LIVE."

And then I woke up.

ya think I'm an individual?

-T

Come to the Dark Side

Come to the Dark Side

The Dark Side gets all the cool toys. You come to the Dark Side, we can guarantee you a cape. You wanna use your powers to get into the movie theater for free? Cool with us. We provide excellent theme music for stalking through your lair. Oh, and don't forget: black is slimming, and it goes with everything. Power, strength, fashion sense, a great 401k, plus, we offer the ultimate prize -- cookies!

Ancient Curse

See if you can follow this:

It's bad luck to wake someone on their day off. So, to counter-act this bad luck one must remember this:

The one who does the waking must offer the one who was doing the sleeping some caffiene.

The one who was doing the sleeping must drink the caffiene while the one who was doing the waking appologizes.

The one who was doing the sleeping and who is now doing the drinking listens to the man doing the speaking who was doing the waking while nursing the caffiene.

The one who did the waking and is doing the talking plys the man who is doing the drinking with gaming.

Thus, the man who was doing the waking is gaming with the man who was doing the sleeping while doing the drinking offered by the man who was speaking to solve this ancient and most terrible curse with gaming.

Savvy?

Triangular Shaped Robots

From: My Army

After reading my post about "My Army", a friend of mine asked a simple question:

"Who would be scared of triangular robots?"

My response:

This model of triangular robots was quite effectual though a bit more on the 'lumbering giant' side. The ability to hyperexanguinate THOSE WHO ARE NOT ON THE LISTS is quite breath taking. I think it was the grey powder of their former shells that really helped push this one through R&D.
This earlier model is something that I had suggested. The triangular wing design allows for ease of mobility across the many types of terrain on this planet and can still use the beam weapon effectively. However, it must be said that the 'throng' used by the first model is superior at frightening the enemy targets.

So... I would say that there are some people who would be scared of triangular robots. :)

-T

Peanut