How to freak out your host in 13 steps

Step 1: Wake up at 8:30 a.m. and realize that the 'small' leak you discovered in your car yesterday may not have been so small with the torrential down-pours that we've been having of late.

Step 2: Investigate the 'small' leak and discover that not only is your driver seat wet, but there is an INCH of standing water in the floor board. Yes, an inch.

Step 3: Momentarily loose your icy facade and grumble out demonic slurs upon the birds and squirrels within ear-shot.

Step 4: Investigate the leak further to discover that what attempts you have made to seal what -might- be a leaky spot has been completely ignored by the rain as though it were the Maginot Line.

Step 4.a.: Wonder if Saturn was invented by the French.

Step 4.b.: Scribble note to self, "Saturn. French? Dig!" in notebook.

Step 5: Check weather.com and discover waves and waves of rain clouds heading for your position.

Step 5.a.: Fully understand what it might feel like to be the commanding officer along the Maginot Line after the first wave of German soldiers have gotten past you and then find out that there are more coming.

Step 5.b: Consider your options and decide that rather than use a French answer to this problem, try Welsh.

Step 6: Realize that your car, though parked under a friend's deck, is also pointing nose-in to their garage.

Step 7: Decide that the best option is to simply remove yourself from the field of battle until you've properly prepared yourself. (And hope your hosts won't freak when you want to borrow their garage for the rest of your visit.)

Step 8: Investigate their basement.

Step 8.a: Realize that for the years that your hosts have lived in their house, you've never seen them use their garage as a container for anything other than boxes (both full and empty).

Step 9: Organize their basement / garage into a space that's large enough to accommodate your car.

Step 9.a.: Move piles and piles of card board bits thither and yon. (Can I use thither in a thentance?)

Step 9.b.: Discover lost pages for the Pilgrim's Journal in the piles of empty boxes that have been scattered about.

Step 9.c.: Fight overwhelming urge to tidy your host's garage / basement.

Step 9.d: Become stumped at the presence of a weight bench in their basement cocooned by box-debris.

Step 9.e.: Really fight the urge to tidy your host's garage / basement.

Step 9.f: Discover that the large lump under the pile of boxes is actually a couch. (so that's where that thing went.)

Step 9.g: Really, no kidding, fight the urge to tidy your host's garage / basement. (This is where I'm channeling my inner Welshman. Yes, I'm still Irish but I bare a striking behavioral resemblance to a certain Welshman named Ianto and we'll leave it at that.)

Step 9.g.1: Fight the urge to sing 'Captain Jack' by Billy Joel while writing this blog.

Step 10: Finish cleaning a space for your car and go back into your host's house to ask if you can do what you've been preparing to do for the past thirty minutes.

Step 11: Quietly creep up the stairs to their bedroom since they're still not moving this morning. (around 9:30 a.m. - which may be early for some people and especially if there's a baby involved.)

Step 12: Ask the question: "Can I borrow your garage for the rest of the day?"

Step 12.a: Wait for their sleep-induced, mental-lethargy to catch up with what you just asked.

Step 12.b: Explain the situation about your car and pause dramatically for appropriate snickers and repeats of "What? What?" from your half-asleep hosts.

Step 12.c: Wait for one of them to say, "It won't fit." and then explain that you've already made a spot for your car.

Step 13: Gratefully accept your host's permission to use their garage for a while and move your car out of the range of fire (or rain) that is headed your way.

Step 13.a: Wait for them to fully wake up and wonder if your asking to borrow their garage was actually a dream or something.

Kerblechistani Karma

8:50 a.m.
Well, the car's in the shop and I'm on campus printing out a test with half-numb fingers. Friday afternoon, after hearing that I've been confirmed to teach three classes next quarter (I'm still trying to confirm the possibility of an office), my car started to act up. The battery light came on and the power-steering went out. My first thought was that the serpentine belt had finally gave up and broke. When I got the car home and checked it, I saw that the belt was still there just very very loose. By this time, none of the garages were open so I couldn't take it down to get it fixed.

Saturday they weren't open for some reason so I had to drop it off today and hope for the best. Everyone I know, in the area, is going to be out of the area today so there's no ride home if they can't fix it quickly. So I gave Jim a call and he's going to give me a ride home at least. I'll figure out a way to get back down to the garage tomorrow if I have to.

Ahh, feeling is returning to my fingers. Once I get the Psych test copied I'm heading over to the department office to staple them together and get the materials ready. I love test days. I really don't have anything to do but make the copies and check my email a few times to make sure I don't have any stragglers for make-ups. I think I have one, so far, for a doctor's appointment.

9:25 a.m.
The test's copied and I've found out that I DO get an office next quarter; room 124. I'll be sharing it with two other people but one is not teaching next quarter and the other doesn't teach until the late evenings; around 6 p.m. I believe. So Sandi's going to send in a key request as soon as possible and I'll pick up my key before the end of the quarter.

Boo-yah!

2:07 p.m.
Well, the test has been handed out for Soc and everyone's working on their test and essay. I've gotten no word from the garage yet; I called around noon but they were all out to lunch. I'll try again once everyone's done with the test. Hopefully it won' t be too expensive. I hope they don't have to order some part from Kerblechistan to fix it either.

Only three more classes left until finals. The students are nervous and eager to finally apply some effort towards their clases now. The smell of fear and dread has begin to sink in to the campus now that finals week is only a short bit away.

Last Night

Cookies: 6 (Hey, I'm due!), Tires: 1 (See below), Missed Movies: 1 (ugh), Friends who let you crash: (1 - Priceless)

I'm going to be posting more pictures from my weekend trip to Athens but I wanted to post something about last night's drama.

So there I was, deep in the heart of North-Eastern Kentucky and on my way towards Ashland. A friend and I were going to go see Apocalypto. The road was slick with rain and I was approaching an intersection. A silver Hummer, on my right, accelerated and I backed off a little. Suddenly, it swerved from its lane into mine so close that it nudged my car's front corner. It didn't really push me much but I had to swerve to get out of its way. It continued changing lanes to the left and took an exit.

As soon as the Hummer was out from in front of me, I saw a concrete berm that's in between the east and west-bound roads. The berm wasn't a huge thing, just about the size of a curb but it wasn't sloped so when I tried to veer away from it, my tire clipped the edge. BOOM!

The tire is blown and I hear it flapping. I pulled into the gas station at the intersection to check things out. Some guy who was behind me and saw what happened pulled in to see if I was ok. He didn't see the license plate of the Hummer (neither did I - other than it was from Kentucky). A State Patrol car pulled up within a few minutes to check things out. Since I had the other guy there, hey accepted my story about being 'cut-off'. He took my contact information and said that if they catch the guy and can prove that he 'nudged' me, that they will let me know.

So, I ended up crashing at a friend's place last night. We didn't get to go see the movie and I drove back to Portsmouth this morning on the doughnut. I could have hunted around Russel / Ashland for a place to get it done but I know the place in Portsmouth "Bob & Floyds" does good work.

So, I called Will and Chris this morning on the way in to advise them that Good Karma was heading their way since mine went to crap.